Dream Diary #2

I have obviously not kept up with the Dream Diary as I initially wanted to, but the vivid reality of last nite is something I cannot ignore. It was a strange musing on how I miss my roommates back home. The mind is reeeeeeeeally sumptin' ~

The house is different. Why is he giving me that look?
"What's with the look?"
"Dude, I can't believe you did that. Well, actually I DO believe it. That's whats so fucked up about it."

"What the fuck did I do?"

"Dude, you can't do that shit."

"What? I didn't do nuthin'... what are you talking about?"

"That is my family. Andy is fucking pissed."

"Why? Cuz I went to yoga with her? Dude..."

"C'mon man, don't fuckin' do this... just get your shit and leave."

"What!? What did he say?! Fuck that. I ain't leavin' cuz I didn't do shit and you'll see when we all talk about this..."

"There is no talking about it man. Just get your stuff and go."

"Hahaha, you're so fucking with me right now. Really, whats this all about?"

"Holy shit dude! I'm not fucking with you. Do you see my face? Do you hear my voice? That's my fucking family and you crossed the line! Get the fuck out!"

"Fuuuuuuuck youuuuu. First off, who told you whatever it is you think you know and what was it?! Ver-fucking-batim please, this is serious..." (Danielle walks into the room. Says nothing and stares at me. She is obviously on his side.)

"What, you're just going to stand there and not say anything? You owe me at least something... What is going on? You believe it too? Whatever it is?" She says nothing. Walks out of the room.

"Dude."

"Hey man, Andy's coming over and he does not want you here."

"Why is he coming over? Dude, let's just talk it out. I GUARAN-FUCKING-TEE that I didn't do anything! Why are we not calling her? She'll tell you... aw shit. Is she fucking crazy? Is she trying to get back at him? What's the answer to the crazy question?"

"I'm gonna start throwin' your shit out if you don't get in gear, man."

"Fuck you dude, no you're not." He starts walking towards my room. "Bro! What the fuck!?"

"I told you man, now stop being a fucking bitch and just deal with it."

"I cannot fucking believe you right now. I mean, really? Really!? I know you're family 'n all, but we hang more than you and him and shit, if its her telling you this, I mean, do I even have to say it?"

"What, 'bros before hoes'?"

I stare at him. "Are you telling me that you believe her over me?" Danielle walks in and walks up to me.

"I thought I knew you and your whole bachelor-life, single-guy shtick was funny and cute at first, but what the fuck!? You're fucking dead to me."

Shocked beyond words.

"I... I... haha haha, I can't even... I am... just astounded. I mean... am I in some bizzarro world? Are you punking me? Cuz this is gone too far if you are. C'mon you fuckers (jokingly), what's really good?! How long are you going to keep this up?"

He turns and walks into my room.

"Ah, haha, yeah, go get my shit and throw it out! That'll make it even MORE real! Like you didn't have enough negative vibes throwin' at me... shit, I didn't know you two were such good actors!"

He comes out of my room with my guitar and a pillow. "Hey man, what the fuck? (reaching at the guitar) stop messin' man!"

"No man, I am dead fucking serious." He throws it with complete disregard and I know he's not joking. As I stand there speechless, Andy's car rolls into the driveway. He gets out with 100% seriousness on his face.

"Dude, I swear to fucking God I did not do shit!" He walks right past me and into the house. Both of them come out with some of my shit in their arms. I try to block them with no avail.

"Are you goddamn fucking kidding me!? What is wrong with you fucking people!? You're not even together anymore! Its been years and even so, I did not even touch one single hair on her body! I can prove it!"

The larger-than-life Birch catches my eye. The tree-swing is changing into a baby's highchair. It swings furiously. The fucking cats are Cheshire one second and mutant rats the next. (I think to myself) "I am traa-rippin'!"

I rub my eyes and we're sitting around the fire pit. I have invisible chains locking me to the chair. I cannot move and can't talk. The words they're speaking are all muffled and incoherent. They're faces are shape-shifting from mutant to digital to melting paint and then poof, gone. The fire rages and I'm sweating. The house disappears and its just me in a backyard I've never seen. Or have I?

I am IN the tree... He appears in my eyes and whispers to me. "Just... let... go."

I yell, "Hey! No! I HAVE let go. Its YOU that hasn't let go! You're still playing..."

I AM the tree. "I can still talk? What is this!? We are all circlesssssssssssssssssss." The murmur concentric.

Celeste appears. "Haha, 'is Celeste short for Celestial?' really? Nice try buddy..."

I think she's just eggin' me on. Her smile is quirky and well, stellar really.

"Yeah, I mean, you shine like a star, so I just thought..."

She's gone. I am green.

I am just a leaf on your tree now. Hanging on for dear life.

"Don't let go of me. I am part of you. I need you. You need me!"

*the tree doesn't talk but I hear it speaking to me* "I need you for some time, yes, but you'll come back next season... just... LET. GO."

And not only did the act of detachment from the limb I had forever known seem to take forever, again, but the fall was, and is, even more. I see her face and she's innocent. Hope the wind doesn't come and take me away... oh, wait!

SEX: TAGGING OF ALL SORTS ~ STD AWARENESS MONTH IS OVER... (Choose Wisely)

A welcomed (slight) change to the death metal boogie of ancient hallows and future ends that the BornInTheCall communication system has recently become. Let's talk about Sex and STDs and all the shit that comes along with it, eh? Fun fun fun, but mad serious. Not only did I hear an En Vogue song yesterday that made me think of Salt N Pepa today (no you neva gonna get it, neva neva gunna git it), but I had a conversation with a close friend about sex. It is fun talking sex with experienced women who know themselves and are honest and open. A man can learn a lot if he just shut up for a second. Which I did. Various subtopics arose during our exchange, but the realization of the enormity of risk in these modern times for sex lives is what stuck with me... kinda like the crushing blow it must be to one's psyche when they find out that they have acquired a STD that sticks with them their entire life. Ok, not THAT serious, but still, listen...

The fact I learned for which prompted this entry is that my friend has a friend who has had four (4) sexual partners in their lifetime. Four. Whether or not you think that is a lot of partners or not, is a reflection of your own sexual life experiences. As a 31 year old single man, if I had only been with 4 women, I can guess the general consensus would be that is a very low number. Not sure if potential partners would feel good about that or think I was lame, but in the end, does it really matter? As long as you have chemistry in bed with the one you love at the moment, that's all that counts. Not the past or future, just the now, right? So, I could find statistics on averages and such, but that is boring. All I know is that there is no number that should be a goal to reach or that even just having one partner is not perfect for that individual. Truth is, its your choice and your perspective and motives for experiencing sex, or whatever you describe the act as. Also, everyone fucks differently. Everyone makes love in their own way. Therein, lie the infinite shades of desire, intimacy, unlawful carnal knowledge, lust, jealousy, fever, and dare I say empathy and compassion... Sex is fun and healthy, but like anything else we can imagine, it can be addictive, destructive, and painfully abused for all the wrong reasons. Obviously a necessity for our species :/ but I digress...

The friend of my friend acquired the Herpes Simplex Virus or HSV Type II (most common) or HSV Type I (cold sores, oral)! The HERP! Yikes it gives me the creepy crawlies (i was gonna say willies, but there's enough sexual pun in here already.. or no?) just typing it. Yuck.... and just 4 people. Shoot, I'm sure there are cases in which the person lost their virginity to someone who gave them a STD. That's just criminal right there. Actually, it probably is a crime in some places to knowingly be positive for a STD and have unprotected sex with someone who did not know this fact. How sick are some people?

But you read what I typed right? Only 4 sexual partners and the person is living with this disease that will change their life in such a drastic way... either they will be purchasing a prescription for Valtrex or whatever HSV suppressant pharmaceutical drug that costs a ton I'm guessing... or, you know we do not have to get into it all right now, but just know that the healthy sex life of this person is fundamentally changed forever. That's a fact. Just like the fact that sex is not what it used to be. As humans (d)evolve, so does the complexity and mortality, urgency, and importance.

The conversation kinda strolled into the area of "how important IS the number of sexual partners in someone's life?" and "always wear a condom unless you are ready for a child. period. there is no argument around that." Lucky enough I am blessed to have known so many people with varying narratives to their sex lives, so I've learned from my environment damn well. I know people who have been burnt, I know people with kids they did not plan for, I know people who have been raped and had abortions, I know people who have practiced safe sex and are both clean and baby-free. I know guys who owe crazy amounts of child-support and women who waste that money on themselves instead of the child. I know men who have stepped up to the plate and provide for their child and mothers who either use the child-support money the right way and/or are responsible women who not only work, but run their household like a boss. The whole gamut is represented here so it shows how many choices we have. Which road do you want to go down? It is ALWAYS your choice. Always yours and yours alone.

Also lucky for me, I get free annual tests from my VA Primary Care physician to help reinforce that I'm doing things right. Its like turning in your book report early to the teacher to see if all your references check out and if you dotted your tease and crossed your eyes. I suggest that everyone get tested for everything annually. It takes a couple minutes of your time and could save not only your life, but others as well.

Sex is a very messy, passionate, and powerful act, idea, topic of discussion and bewildering economy. It is misunderstood and romanticized, it is ridiculed and idolized. Sex is not only a human act, but it is the only way humans can experience each other in certain ways unspeakable. It is creation and the little death. You are at you're most vulnerable and yet sometimes, most empowered. You see life clearly through your lover's eyes, but lust can come along and blurrrrr all the lines.

As this is the last day of STD Awareness Month, I am paying tribute to the wisdom of many from my generation that have been safe and not been careless with their bodies... KUDOS TO YOU! And if you're old and ignorant or young and ignorant, its never too late. Guys: WRAP IT UP & DAM IT UP ~ Girls: DEMAND SAFETY & DO NOT COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR A MAN'S ATTENTION.

P.S. - Ladies, I have an idea for you, being a man who's experienced all different kinds relationships. Consider doing and/or telling your fellow women to save the oral sex for AFTER you get married or enter into a healthy, committed relationship. It is safe and more fun that way and after the honeymoon sex-phase is over, its better than not having sex at all or very infrequently as many busy, working adults in marriages or committed relationships complain of, especially after the 5-6 year mark of said relationship. And double-ly especially after you have kids, from what I've been told. So, if there is unprotected mouth sex happening, STOP (you're giving head with condoms on? gimme a break) and save it for the one you truly love in times when this kind of action, reaction, solution (haha, get it?) is desperately needed. "I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need." Is this not a grand idea? It will be a clean and positive force in your relationship, trust me. Remember, you get what you give, so if you want Mr. Hubby to go downtown... oh, you know what I'm saying. Lastly, if you cheat, you deserve the nasty STD you get, whatever it may be. You better learn your lesson!

MAKE SEX, NOT WAR. SPREAD WISDOM, NOT STDs.

Peace,

oxoBitCxox