30 April 2012


A welcomed (slight) change to the death metal boogie of ancient hallows and future ends that the BornInTheCall communication system has recently become. Let's talk about Sex and STDs and all the shit that comes along with it, eh? Fun fun fun, but mad serious. Not only did I hear an En Vogue song yesterday that made me think of Salt N Pepa today (no you neva gonna get it, neva neva gunna git it), but I had a conversation with a close friend about sex. It is fun talking sex with experienced women who know themselves and are honest and open. A man can learn a lot if he just shut up for a second. Which I did. Various subtopics arose during our exchange, but the realization of the enormity of risk in these modern times for sex lives is what stuck with me... kinda like the crushing blow it must be to one's psyche when they find out that they have acquired a STD that sticks with them their entire life. Ok, not THAT serious, but still, listen...
The fact I learned for which prompted this entry is that my friend has a friend who has had four (4) sexual partners in their lifetime. Four. Whether or not you think that is a lot of partners or not, is a reflection of your own sexual life experiences. As a 31 year old single man, if I had only been with 4 women, I can guess the general consensus would be that is a very low number. Not sure if potential partners would feel good about that or think I was lame, but in the end, does it really matter? As long as you have chemistry in bed with the one you love at the moment, that's all that counts. Not the past or future, just the now, right? So, I could find statistics on averages and such, but that is boring. All I know is that there is no number that should be a goal to reach or that even just having one partner is not perfect for that individual. Truth is, its your choice and your perspective and motives for experiencing sex, or whatever you describe the act as. Also, everyone fucks differently. Everyone makes love in their own way. Therein, lie the infinite shades of desire, intimacy, unlawful carnal knowledge, lust, jealousy, fever, and dare I say empathy and compassion... Sex is fun and healthy, but like anything else we can imagine, it can be addictive, destructive, and painfully abused for all the wrong reasons. Obviously a necessity for our species :/ but I digress...

The friend of my friend acquired the Herpes Simplex Virus or HSV Type II (most common) or HSV Type I (cold sores, oral)! The HERP! Yikes it gives me the creepy crawlies (i was gonna say willies, but there's enough sexual pun in here already.. or no?) just typing it. Yuck.... and just 4 people. Shoot, I'm sure there are cases in which the person lost their virginity to someone who gave them a STD. That's just criminal right there. Actually, it probably is a crime in some places to knowingly be positive for a STD and have unprotected sex with someone who did not know this fact. How sick are some people?

But you read what I typed right? Only 4 sexual partners and the person is living with this disease that will change their life in such a drastic way... either they will be purchasing a prescription for Valtrex or whatever HSV suppressant pharmaceutical drug that costs a ton I'm guessing... or, you know we do not have to get into it all right now, but just know that the healthy sex life of this person is fundamentally changed forever. That's a fact. Just like the fact that sex is not what it used to be. As humans (d)evolve, so does the complexity and mortality, urgency, and importance.

The conversation kinda strolled into the area of "how important IS the number of sexual partners in someone's life?" and "always wear a condom unless you are ready for a child. period. there is no argument around that." Lucky enough I am blessed to have known so many people with varying narratives to their sex lives, so I've learned from my environment damn well. I know people who have been burnt, I know people with kids they did not plan for, I know people who have been raped and had abortions, I know people who have practiced safe sex and are both clean and baby-free. I know guys who owe crazy amounts of child-support and women who waste that money on themselves instead of the child. I know men who have stepped up to the plate and provide for their child and mothers who either use the child-support money the right way and/or are responsible women who not only work, but run their household like a boss. The whole gamut is represented here so it shows how many choices we have. Which road do you want to go down? It is ALWAYS your choice. Always yours and yours alone.

Also lucky for me, I get free annual tests from my VA Primary Care physician to help reinforce that I'm doing things right. Its like turning in your book report early to the teacher to see if all your references check out and if you dotted your tease and crossed your eyes. I suggest that everyone get tested for everything annually. It takes a couple minutes of your time and could save not only your life, but others as well.
Sex is a very messy, passionate, and powerful act, idea, topic of discussion and bewildering economy. It is misunderstood and romanticized, it is ridiculed and idolized. Sex is not only a human act, but it is the only way humans can experience each other in certain ways unspeakable. It is creation and the little death. You are at you're most vulnerable and yet sometimes, most empowered. You see life clearly through your lover's eyes, but lust can come along and blurrrrr all the lines.

As this is the last day of STD Awareness Month, I am paying tribute to the wisdom of many from my generation that have been safe and not been careless with their bodies... KUDOS TO YOU! And if you're old and ignorant or young and ignorant, its never too late. Guys: WRAP IT UP & DAM IT UP ~ Girls: DEMAND SAFETY & DO NOT COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR A MAN'S ATTENTION.

P.S. - Ladies, I have an idea for you, being a man who's experienced all different kinds relationships. Consider doing and/or telling your fellow women to save the oral sex for AFTER you get married or enter into a healthy, committed relationship. It is safe and more fun that way and after the honeymoon sex-phase is over, its better than not having sex at all or very infrequently as many busy, working adults in marriages or committed relationships complain of, especially after the 5-6 year mark of said relationship. And double-ly especially after you have kids, from what I've been told. So, if there is unprotected mouth sex happening, STOP (you're giving head with condoms on? gimme a break) and save it for the one you truly love in times when this kind of action, reaction, solution (haha, get it?) is desperately needed. "I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need." Is this not a grand idea? It will be a clean and positive force in your relationship, trust me. Remember, you get what you give, so if you want Mr. Hubby to go downtown... oh, you know what I'm saying. Lastly, if you cheat, you deserve the nasty STD you get, whatever it may be. You better learn your lesson!